How To Support Your loved One In Treatment

Feb 22, 2022
 

Welcome to the chronic hope Institute podcast. The only podcast designed for the families of those who are struggling with addiction and codependency. If addiction has rocked your household and you don't know where to turn, to get support, then this podcast was built for you. Our host has written the book on how families can navigate the scary world of addiction, chronic hope parenting, the addicted child, and chronic.

Families and addiction can both be found on Amazon too. We invite you to connect with us on Facebook, as well as subscribing to the chronic hope Institute podcast on YouTube, Spotify, apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Now, here is your host author, therapist, and CEO of the chronic hope Institute.

Kevin Peterson.

Hey, good morning, everybody. It's Kevin Peterson, it's uh, founder and owner of the pod, chronic hope, uh, Institute and welcome to the product and chronic podcast. And, uh, we have our special guest today, uh, from BRC lane. Rusty. He's gonna introduce himself. It's just a second, but what we're going to try and cover today is talk about your loved one and true.

Or does your, how do you know when your loved one needs treatment? And then once they're in treatment, what should you do? And then how do we reunite and bring the whole family together. And as usual lane, and I are going to share our personal experiences, our professional experiences and, and give you our thoughts and ideas.

And if you have any questions or comments, we want you to hit us up hard and tell us what you think and we'll go from there. So without any further ado, I want to introduce my good friend lane rust from, uh, he's the director of family services at BRC recovery lane. Thanks for joining us today. Hey

Kevin.

Good morning everybody. Thank you for having me today. I'm honored to be here.

It's great to have you, man. And, uh, it's great. It's it's, it's a lot of fun to work with you. Uh, I love the fact that you and I are sort of on the same page, almost, almost always, which is awesome. So without any, you know, slowing down, let's just jump right in.

Would you please introduce yourself and talk a little bit about what your life looked like before your recovery and then maybe, you know, towards the end of that, right? Give us a little bit of a, um, what what's like, you know about the life recovery has given you.

Sure. Sure. Yeah. So, um, I grew up in a household with a mother and father they're still married today.

I have two siblings and an older brother, a younger sister. And, um, I knew from an early age that I was just, I felt a little bit different, awkward, um, social situations. I was always. The funny guy, the loud guy, the one that was always trying to draw attention to myself, um, it was pretty good at it. I did a good job of drawing attention to myself.

Um, that attention shifted over time, but, um, what, what I, what I found when I entered, when alcohol is introduced to my body, um, I think I was around 14 years of age. Um, I just felt alive, connected kind of all the worries that I had about what people were thinking about me. Um, are these people, are, are they on my side?

Are they against me? Are they standing in judgment? All that stuff. Just kind of vanished. And, um, I was not a hard continuous drinker right out the gate. Like you hear a lot of people talk about, um, But I, I did certainly find value in what substances in this specific case alcohol in my body. Um, I, I found, um, cocaine and other substances by the time I was about 17 years of age.

And I was, I was a very driven and committed athlete, uh, growing up. Um, I, I felt like that my brother's a great athlete. He still, you know, Not very many things I can, uh, beat my brother at still today. But, um, I remember growing up and thinking, you know, I I'd like to be a professional athlete. That was, that was my goal.

And that was my, my drive. And there was nothing I was more determined to do than that. I'm sad to say, even scholastically, I kind of put all that stuff on the back burner and I was just driven and committed to being a good athlete. Um, Substances interfered with my athletic career, um, as they did pretty much every other aspiration and goal that I had in life.

And so, um, I found myself in treatment in 2006 for the first time. And, um, I learned a lot about the illness, the disease model of substance use disorder, uh, came to identify that I was an alcoholic and an, and an addict. Um, and I did okay for about 300 days, uh, roughly, and then I, um, I found myself slipping back into old behaviors.

I lost connection with my recovery network and, um, I relapsed in 2007 and the next three years were probably the most challenging three years are the, are the roughest three years of that? I can remember. And not necessarily externally, but internally. Um, I had. To realize what was going on with me. And I also knew that there was a different way to live and when you're living apart from that, and you know, the truth deep down, it becomes really challenging internally.

Um, or that was my experience anyways. And so 2010, I entered treatment for the last time. Um, you know, I might mention I'm a, I'm a jail. Where do I go to jail regularly? Um, I went to jail. About eight times, um, over the course of my eight or nine year active using period and my family specifically, my mother, um, I, you know, she was my primary supporter enabler.

Um, and she would, she, I would call her and threaten her and say really rude and crude things to her things. I would never imagine saying today. Um, but it was really with the full intention of. Pulling on her heartstrings and getting her to move around and come get me out of jail again. And a lot of sweet promises made that I'll never do this again.

And, um, I would imagine if you're tuning in today, you've been around someone or understand a little bit of what I just described. That's, that's a very common situation that I get to deal with and see today is that, um, there's, there's just a stuck in a cycle where you're not able to pull yourself out.

And the family, um, with good intentions oftentimes continues to keep that cycle alive. And honestly it wasn't until my family woke up and maybe the waking up was pain driven. Right. I, I like to think that sometimes families get in enough pain and have enough, frankly, to where they just simply say, we're not playing the game with you any longer.

Um, so I'm a product of boundaries. I'm a product of, um, You know, being told no. And the family honoring the no, um, over time. So, um, I'm very passionate about getting to work with families today. And my life today looks entirely different, um, than it did back in 2000. Three through 10. Um, I've got two beautiful children.

I'm married to a woman. That's also in recovery. She's, she's been sober, um, almost 11 years now. I'll celebrate 12 years next month. Um, and, uh, we live in the great state of Utah. Um, now, so was, was in Texas for about the first 10 years. And now we live in Utah, just outside of solving. Um, and life is, life is amazing today.

Um, I'm able to, yeah, so

that's great, man. And I, I mean, I appreciate you sharing your story about that. Uh, you know, being in and out of jail and, and, uh, I'm, I'm guessing, and this is something that I get with a lot with the families I work with. I'm guessing at some point your family stopped bailing you out.

Is that fair to say.

They stopped bailing me out after the eight times. So, um, seven, seven times in a row. And I was out usually within 48 hours. The last time they let me sit under the direction of the treatment professionals that they contacted. They said, do not get him out of jail, um, and allow him to have an experience.

And I found some humility inside that facility. Um, I know that much, so yeah. It took my family a while before they, they realized and were able to sidestep that fear of, well, if he's in there and what will happen. And I think they kind of came to realize that if he's not in there, there's a much greater chance of the ultimate fear we have happening, which is that our son's going to no longer be with us.

Right. Exactly. And that's the FA a lot of the families I work with are like, you know, when he's in jail or in treatment, I feel. 'cause I, cause I know he's in a safe situation and I agree with the, you know, what your family was told when I, the families I work with, I'm like, no, leave him there. You know, mean just keep them there and let them, I mean, not as a, not as a, you know, punitive or being mean or it's like, no, no, no, no.

I mean, he earned that. Let's just, you know, let's talk about what the next step is and the plan is, so yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And then, um, can you tell us a little bit about your professional qualifications and what you do for BRC?

Yeah, so, um, I'm a, I'm a licensed chemical dependency counselor. I've worked at BRC since roughly, well, September of 2010.

So, um, I had been out of treatment for, I was about six, seven months sober. When I got hired, I was a tech, um, My responsibilities, then we're simply taking clients to meetings, making sure clients were where they were supposed to be. Um, meals were served, et cetera. I was then asked to move into our aftercare program, which is called the segway program where we do monitoring recovery, coaching, case management and family support, um, that took place for about a year.

And then I was moved into what we call a recovery manager role. And that was when. Inpatient working with clients, guiding them through the 12 steps. Um, also assisting families, keeping the families up to date what's going on real time, weekend, and week out, how their loved one was showing up, um, and, and providing them with some guidance in about 2015, um, BRC.

Moved into where we had this branch of the family services department. So, um, they, they saw the need much. Like, I think you, you understand Kevin and the importance of involving the family, keeping them in the loop, getting them active in their own process of healing changing. Um, and that, that has been my role for about the past four years.

So I've worn a lot of hats at BRC. Uh, Pretty well-versed in what we do, inpatient outpatient aftercare. Um, so I'm, uh, and I'm also a product of, of the program. So, um, wow. But yet my, my, uh, my, uh, so I've been employed there for it'll be 12 years this September. So I just celebrated 11 years with the company in September of 2021.

Now that's amazing who. Thank you. No, that's fantastic. All right, let's jump into the fun questions here. Um, how important is family involvement in the treatment and recovery process?

So, one thing I would say to anybody that's tuning in today, um, the demographic that we had, the opportunity to serve, um, Much of the clients are still very dependent.

They're not independent. They're not a free apart from their family systems at this point. Um, and so a lot of. A lot of what I would say to families is that what we see, especially with the young adult population at spearhead lodge, is that, um, if we can get the family moving in the right direction, oftentimes, and coming to recognize areas where their co-dependencies active, where their loved one is, like I mentioned earlier, able to pull on that fear corridor and certain heartstrings that are causing them to make, make decisions based on.

Um, if we can help the family come to recognize that and begin to, um, hold firm boundaries in place, support detached with kindness, love from afar. Um, oftentimes that gives the client and treatment space to really begin to, um, build resiliency within themselves. Problem-solve start to feel better about who they are as an individual.

Um, It never fails anybody that checks into treatment. If you ask their family questions that one of the first things they'll tell you is that they suffer from low levels of self-esteem. And so oftentimes right. What we, what we do providing the space and inpatient longterm continuums is that we give the loved one, a separation from the people in their lives, who are typically, um, stepping in fixing, managing controlling situations in order to.

Prop their loved one up, give him a shot of excitement, get them motivated. Right. All great intention. But, um, it's it finding that space and time away from the family system allows the client to, to really stabilize and plant their feet firmly and become their own person while they're doing that. It's vitally important for the families.

Um, doing their own work. Right. And I know Kevin, you talked a lot about that and involving yourself and support groups therapy. Um, and I know that's what, you know, that's right on your wheelhouse and you're really skilled at what you do there. I think that, uh, that is a crucial component, um, specifically for the demographic that I work with.

Um, you know, and I, I agree. And I think the thing I always tell people and I, and I mean, I know you and I agree with. The first thing, one of the first things that families always ask me is, well, what's the, what's the most important thing I can do now that we've got them into treatment. And my response is always get into your own recovery, you know?

And they're like, well, what do you mean? Like, well, you know, I want you to start reading these books about codependency, read my book. Um, I want you to start educating yourself on the family system and how addiction affects the families. Because the idea of removing one person dropping them into treatment for 30, 60, or 90 days, and then bringing them back and thinking everything's all better and fixed is kind of cookie it's kinda nutty, you know, and we have to change the entire system.

And then the next thing I always say is, I want you to understand you're not responsible for their addiction, but you are responsible for how you respond to it, you know? And, and so that requires family change. And, and, and that's what I'm, I love working with you guys because you guys have that same philosophy.

Yeah. Yeah. And one thing that, you know, I've, I've come to realize and really trying to move families from that first phase, which a lot of families will involve themselves. They'll read literature. They might find their way into a family support meeting. There's a lot of different avenues to take at this point.

Um, you know, a lot of them I'm sure. Um, but specifically, right, like, um, Knowledge is vital, but knowledge doesn't get family members where they need to be right. The emotional rearrangement, um, attuning to their own story, their own journey honoring themselves. Um, when families take that knowledge and move that into their own process like you're describing, um, and really start to do some of the deeper emotional work that's when families oftentimes have the ability, even though they're terrified, they can still.

The direction that they'd been advised that they've read about oftentimes families, they, uh, that I, that I've have history of working with, um, you know, much like the, the person in treatment, right? That midbrain is activated the fear of survival center in logic, sound judgment, emotional regulations out the window.

So we understand from a scientific standpoint, why families do what they do, and sometimes allowing them to see. That's very normal. Um, it's, it's human design. That's how we're designed to function. Um, but if we can, if we can get them to start rearranging emotionally and coming to peace with some of their own internally, that that's where we'll start to see.

I know I really need to go right here. I've been going left. But then I can contact a support group. I can get with my therapist. I can contact Kevin at chronic hope, um, you know, and, and ask for guidance. Right. The ability to pause becomes an operable move.

Okay. Yeah, absolutely. I absolutely. And you're right.

I'm starting them off with education and knowledge. Is fantastic, but it has to turn into action and it has to be engaging in their own process. And, and I, and I understand that that's challenging because it means they're going to have to, they're going to have to look at themselves, you know, I think one thing that the folks that are watching or listening, uh, would say, one thing I would say is that both you and I are product of, uh, both of our families getting into some level of recovery and saying, we're going to hold the boundaries and we're not going to budge.

And then we, as a family are going to start to change the way we operate. And, and I, I can tell you from the perspective of someone is, was in active addiction, nothing is more terrifying than the family changes. You know, because it just you're like, well, wait a minute. That's not what you guys normally do.

Normally if somebody caves in and gives in and lets me do what I want to do and you know, what's this, what's this new thing. And you know, it raises the bar. Right. It forces everybody to engage.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know, I, again, I'm, I'm in the same boat as you. I'm a product of the family shifting and moving in a new direction, which pulled me in that way.

Um, and you know, if you're in treatment and you're, you're newly sober, like you said, it's terrifying thing. Like my family's starting to talk differently. They're not taking the bait anymore, right? They're not. Um, I am heard my mama on my weekly phone call and she hung up on me. Whoa, what's going on here?

You know, my mom hung up on me in jail and said, this is your one and only option. And I told her, you know, some things I won't say today, but she, she said, well, I hate to hear that. That's how it's going to have to be. And the next thing I heard was your call has ended. Um, and I stepped away from that phone and that was probably, uh, a paramount moment for me.

You know, that, that was where the little guy inside of me said, oh boy, right. Things are, things have changed.

Yeah. You know, I had the same experience. My dad laid out the rules and I was like, oh yeah, I've heard this nonsense before. And, but they held their ground, you know, they, they took it seriously and, and.

And, you know what? I always tell people, I'd send my story. And I think you and I have talked about this is that they held their ground for like six weeks. So this time around, I, you know, did what all tough guys do I called mom and started crying about how unfair this was and how I was being hung out to dry.

And this was just so not right. And they were waiting for that, you know? And, and they were like, well, I'll tell you what, if you start seeing a therapist with your dad we'll will. You know, and th that was all part of the path, you know? And, uh, so, so the next question that we came up with is why family involvement is so important for recovery.

And I, that's kind of like the second question that we had, but, but let's dig a little, maybe dig a little deeper on what that family involvement looks like.

Yeah. So, I mean, again, there's, there's a lot of different routes that I'm aware of today. Um, you know, individualized therapy, family therapy, counseling, um, there's a lot of great family support meetings and groups.

Um, on that note, a lot of times I think families think if they go into a meeting, they sit in the back right. Much like somebody in recovery, right. If I just show up and check the box, things are gonna, things are gonna get better. Um, and I encourage families to go and involve yourself, shake hands, talk to people after the meetings.

At some point, if there's more, a deeper dive coursework, 12 step work involve yourself, um, begin working with a sponsor, begin working with, um, if there's a family packet or things that need to be done so that you can bring to present to the next group. Do the work start looking at yourself, like you said, that's the key component.

I think. And whatever, whatever family, whatever route they choose, whatever fits the mold for them. I do believe that involving yourself, um, you know, doing the heavy lifting is, is necessary for people that really, really are interested in change.

Yeah. You know, I love that and I love what you said too, because that's, again, I get the same thing I get.

Oh, I go to Alanon I'm like, oh, okay. Um, do you have a sponsor and are you working the steps? And they're like, well, no. I mean, I go to the meeting I'm like, and I want you to understand that's wonderful. I'm glad you're going to the meeting, but how would you feel if your, your loved one came back from treatment and said, well, I'll go to the meetings, but I'm not going to get a sponsor and I'm not going to work the steps.

And they're like, well, no, I'm like, okay. So again, you know, another one of my quickie phrases is you can't expect them to do something you're not willing to do. Absolutely. So we have a question out of Facebook. It says how will going to Alanon recovery meetings help my son stay sober you first?

Well, uh, that's a, that's a sneaky one.

I think. Um, I, I do believe that, um, going Alanon recovery will, uh, the by-product is that it will increase your son. Um, chances of staying sober, but not necessarily having anything to do with your son. It's because of the involvement with the individual who's attending. Alanon like we've been talking about today, right?

They made decisions and started taking actions. They're going to alter the family system, the dynamic. And so that individual moving in a new direction naturally is going to impact the other person in treatment. Um, and. More, or who's avid treatment at this point. Um, and, and it's just a, it's it sets everybody up for a healthier situation, right?

If we've got five healthy individuals in a family system, um, as opposed to one or two, our chances are higher, right? Because like you said earlier, Kevin, I'm going to look for that one, two or three. You know, one of those people inside my family system, that's not, well, I'm going to move in that direction and see if I can.

Um, get back into, into the grips of my own illness with them supporting that.

Yeah. Yeah. And I think the thing I always tell people and the families that I work with in that question is I want you to understand that we don't have the ability to keep anybody else sober. And, and so you're going to Alanon to help you, uh, learn a different way of life and how to respond differently than.

In turn, I fully believe that will actually create a different system and that, that will force your son to sort of start paying attention differently. And a lot of times too, what I get is the families are telling me, oh, you know, I have this anxiety, I have these fears. I can't sleep at night. I'm like, and that's what the Alanon is for is that those folks will talk to you about that and show you how to resolve that.

And because the resolution is. Controlling your son, you know, that's like you said, that's the old way. That's me going? Right. Like I always do when we're going to go left this time and, and you're going to have to trust it, that this is going to make a huge difference because here's two guys that have got long-term sobriety saying, here's what made a difference is when my family went left, instead of going right.

That changed everything, you know? Yeah. All right. What are a few things to avoid when your loved one gets home from treatment?

Well, again, with, with, uh, a lot of, a lot of what we see in BRC, um, is that families will slip back into the, the natural parental roles. Right. And just let me take care of, let me fix, let me manage. Um, and so. Anything, a family member can do to, um, love being involved, but not overstep their bounds. Right. A lot of times w where, what are the bounds?

What, what, where are, where are the, the, the lines in the sand? Well, how do I know if I should or shouldn't? Um, you know, we, I'm, I'm a big proponent of having somebody in your corner for up to a year to 15 months, once your loved ones out of true. To have them not only to help and assist your loved one.

Right. But also to be there to guide you and assist you as a family member. Um, we, we have a process in place. Uh, a portion of our programs called the segway program and I love it. And I always tell families like this is they're designed to hold your loved on accountable and move them in the direction that they need to be moving.

But don't forget that that coach, that, that, that clinician is in your corner as well. Right? So you're no longer having to make these decisions on an island driven by emotion. Um, and so if, if that's possible having someone in your life, um, and you can find that outside of an organization, a treatment organization, you can find that in a support network, right.

Having a sponsor inside of an Alamo, You pick the phone up and call your sponsor, your support network and you ask, this is where I'm at. Does this sound okay? Can you advise me on this? And, and, and that's, that's just another key piece, I think for having this, this unit in place for a family member, because you're going to, you're going to be faced with decisions and you're going to have to make decisions.

Um, and, and it's easy to be driven by emotion, right? Um, And not to mention guys, guys, I like, I can't speak for Kevin, but, um, somebody that's newly sober is very easily. Um, w it's easy to slip back into the old behaviors. Right? And can someone else take care of this for me? Can someone just help me? Um, I'm just asking one time and we've sharpened that skill.

I hone that skill right over a course of seven or eight years. And so that has not gone away. Usually in early recovery, I'm still going to look and see if people are interested or, or available, um, to do some things for me, that might be uncomfortable financial situations, right. I, I need you to bail me out of this.

So having someone in your corner, who you can call and ask. Guidance is, is really a key component, I believe for family.

Yeah, I agree. I absolutely agree with that. And I think, uh, the thing I was also thinking of is that, you know, um, one of the things I always tell the families, I talk about talk with. You know, now that they're sober, it doesn't mean that everything's all better when we can just drop everything.

You know, that's just the beginning. And you know, I'm glad that the loved one sober. I'm glad that the loved ones coming home, but I mean, I'll tell you what the Mo the number one thing my parents did for me, when I got sober and went back to old school, Los Angeles is I tried to wangle some money out of them.

And they're like, no, no more money. You know, you, you gotta, you gotta get up on your own two feet and you've got to start handling your business and take care of yourself. And. All right. We got, Hey, we got, we got some great questions. We got a question from Danya. It says, what should I do when not every family member is on board with seeking recovery and change within themselves.

So what do you do when you're the lone voice of recovery and the family system?

Well again, right. We talked about earlier, right? If we have five people moving in a healthy direction, it's better than one or two, the same applies in my opinion is if we have one member moving in a new direction, it's better than the.

Um, this is where oftentimes, um, a spouse, for instance, right? Like, let's just say the mom's really heavily involved and she's engaged, she's reading literature. She's, she's knee deep in Alanon all of a sudden. Um, and then I hear, Hey, my husband's not interested. What do I do? Right. Um, how do I get him involved?

Because I'm nervous. I'm afraid. Um, And this is where the, the, the, the control, the, the need to manage the desire to change others comes into play again. It's another form of, um, uh, it's really just another form of trying to manage another person's life at that point. Um, recovery is, is, is, is something that's better.

Taking part in when other people are attracted to it, right? There's a, there's a term in 12 step recovery in alcoholics anonymous and it says attraction rather than promotion. Um, I know that's challenging. It's easy to justify and say, Hey, listen, you know, this is, this is my son's father. This is my son sibling.

Um, how, how come, how come, how do I get them involved? I would keep the eye you're out on the prize, which is internal rearrangement. Right. I'm moving in a new direction. I'm trying to involve myself. If others in the family system want to join I'll I'll, I'll make it known that they're welcome to attend and I'll do my best to detach at that point.

I don't know how you feel about that, Kevin, but no,

no, you and I are on the same team and I'll actually tell you that in my family system, I got sober in 91. And, uh, I, you know, turned around and it was like, Hey, this would be great for everybody in the family. And they were like, yeah, no, thanks. You know, we're good.

We don't need your help. We don't need to get sober. We don't need to go to Alanon. We don't need to address our issues. And, and so, uh, that, that was just kind of part of the reality of my family system. And so I continued to be sort of alone. And the loan re you know, as a person going through this process.

And so I understand Don, you know, where you're, when you're feeling like you're on your own. I mean, my mom was, uh, struggled with addiction her entire life, and I desperately wanted her to get clean and sober and it just never happened. And she passed away in 2014 and that was just not her reality. You know, I wanted my dad to go into.

To understand his codependency and that just never happened, you know? And so I think the most important thing is you gotta, this is, and this is the hard part for people that struggle with codependence. And it's something that I struggle with as well. And it's, it's the old adage, you know, when the airplane starts to get bumpy and, and the oxygen mask comes down, you gotta put yours on first, you know, and then you can put it on other people, but you gotta take care of your.

And I think the most important thing is you've got, gotta be the example for the rest of the family. Cause they'll start noticing they're like, that's funny, he's not in the family drama anymore. He's not arguing anymore. He's not behaving, he's behaving differently. And, and you know, that's where that attraction piece.

And that's that's, uh, that's the deal. Um, there was another one that I think is really pertinent to you and the program you guys offer, and it says, I'm not sure my son even knows how to pay a bill. How do you address that with a family when they're looking at BRC? Well,

again, right. I mean, we, we just assess family dynamics and functioning across the board with family.

Typically, if somebody is not in a place where they know how to pay a bill, what I will do is say, why is that right? Is it because someone in the family system is been paying the bills for them? Um, and that, that certainly was my case for a long time. Kevin, I was a, you know, I, I had grown man syndrome as well, where I've ran around and beat on my chest.

I told everybody I was a grown man. And then when I got sober, I came to realize that grown men do a lot of things differently than what I was doing at that point. And I was 25 when I got sober. Um, but I would just say to a family, um, there's, there's a good chance that they don't know how to pay a bill because they'd never been pressed into a situation where they've had to pay a bill.

Um, you know, it, it kind of in our mill, you. We've got a good sample. Um, you, you can always look around and people are engaging in life skills, right? In, in, in an inpatient treatment facility. Um, the guys are throwing detergent in the dryers, um, mixing, you know, eggs in a, in a great big salad, industrial sized salad bowl, and putting that on the burner.

Um, and usually when we tell families that their responses, the laughter, right, they giggled. I can't believe he did that. Why would he not know how to do his laundry? And so that's always a nice setup for, well, have you been doing his laundry? Right? Um, we had, uh, we had a family one time that our young adult facility that their loved one had a, um, a magic laundry box and so a basket.

And so as long as the laundry was in to, to the laundry basket, it magically got folded and put away. And so, um, And that's, that's our young adult facilities. So there's definitely some more nourishment and pill dependency that we see in a facility like that. But, um, you know, there's, there's just, I always tell families, please, don't beat yourself up.

Please. Don't feel ashamed for what you've done or what you're currently doing. Um, I've heard a lot, Kevin. I know you've heard a lot. I mean, It's it's, it's a part of what we're after. Right. We have to identify these things in order to make new movement and start, start heading in a new direction. So, yeah,

absolutely.

It's not about finger pointing and blaming. It's just more evidence that we just need to change the system, not change the individual. Absolutely. Sure. Okay. Last question. And then we'll wrap up. Uh, what advice would you give someone who's watching their loved ones struggle with drugs and alcohol. So someone who's got an active person in their family system, what, what's the best advice you have for that person?

Well, a lot of the times it, the best advice I would have is I, you know, this is a, um, this is it. It's been identified as a brain disorder, right? I mean, it's an illness. Um, And so you can't consequences this thing away, you can't, you can't, um, you can't reward people and in this thing is going to go away. I mean, many of, you know, if you're watching this, you know, that you, you probably already tried to do one or both of those things.

Um, your loved one needs, your loved one needs help. They need guidance, they need support. Um, there's a lot of value on my end from, um, getting support and guidance from people. Who've also been in similar spots. Um, and I think that, um, contacting professionals in your area professionals, um, that you know of that maybe someone else that you've you've encountered over time has, has had involvement with, um, but really get getting help for that individual.

Uh, not just saying, Hey, here's, here's your option? Here's your chance? See you later. Um, homelessness does not cure substance use to. Um, you know, so I, I do think, uh, at least affording them an opportunity, setting them up, trying to assist that individual. And then in the meantime, while you're trying to assist them beginning to find the assistance for yourself and tapping into a group, a counselor, a therapist, um, maybe a family consultant, right.

That can really guide your family and show them. Um, here, here's the steps in order that needed to be taken in order to give your loved one and your family system, a real shot at changing the dynamic.

Yeah, exactly. And, and, um, little shameless, self promotion. That's what my book, uh, chronic hope families and addiction is all about is setting the boundaries.

Like this is exactly what your family and my family did set the boundaries, but, but also. We're here to help you. If you're willing to get sober and take things differently, you know, if you're not, then that's cool. We're going to respect your choices, but we're, this is about change. And so if you want to change, we'll help you change.

But if you don't want to change, that's cool. We're changing and we'll be over here, you know, out of jail. Let us know when, when you're ready to get out of jail and, you know, and, and being part of the systems. Layne man. I got, this has been a great conversation. I could do this all day with you. Uh, I love it.

It's so much fun and I appreciate your time. I appreciate all your knowledge and wisdom and advice. Hey, um, tell us how, uh, how does somebody get ahold of you? How does somebody get ahold of BRC?

So BRC healthcare.com. Um, you guys that we've got a website, we've got several different programs under that number.

Um, and if, if, if anybody needs direct contact to the facility, just Google BRC, healthcare.com, and you can get in touch with our admissions team, they can answer any and all questions that you may have about our program. Um, so yeah, that, that would be the primary way to get ahold of the BRC healthcare.

Fantastic. Well, Hey man, have a wonderful president's day. Thanks for spending a little bit of your vacation time with us. And, uh, you know, this has been the chronic hope podcast and we appreciate you guys sending in questions next month. We're going to be doing this again. Uh, we always want always happy to answer people's questions.

Um, so anyway, that's all I got, man, have a great

day. Thanks so much for having me, Kevin. All right,

take it easy, buddy. Bye.

All right.

Are you guys or your host, Kevin Peterson, please join us again. Next time we exist to provide support education and hope for families who are struggling with addiction and codependency. Remember to connect with us on Facebook as well as subscribe to the chronic hope Institute podcast on YouTube, Spotify, apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

See you again soon.

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